It is Well by Bethel

Through it all, through it all My eyes are on You Lord Through it all, through it all It is well with me

Older doesn't equal wiser?

Wow. I've neglected you blog. What has changed in these last 3 years? A lot.

1) Career Orientated. I don't know why but I've become so work focused and driven. They say that whatever a person talks about the most, that is the god of their life. Oh I hope that isn't totally true. Last night was a nightmare night. You know, the type where you're half awake and half asleep. It was about the students lol. So you can see how work haunts me even when I'm unconscious LOL. I swore I would never be this type of person and look where I am. It's funny how you work to climb the ladder and to make more money but the more time you spend at a place, the more trust is put into your hands. Somehow you're just expected to produce results and while I am blessed with favour from the bosses, it doesn't come without hindrance. I also want to be an expert at my craft; I want to be a blessing to my students. Lord it's hard to release a grip on these aspects while wanting to strive for excellence at the same time.

2) CSC. Yes, I'm still at CSC. It's my home. It's weird looking back at my life, I've strived hard to be different but I have always tried to please those around me at the same time. It's funny how I've let so many people influence my life--some in good ways and some in bad. I think I've listened too much to people wanting approval so I let everyone dictate my actions.
My circle of counsel has definitely decreased in size these last few years and this is a good thing. I'm so thankful for the Godly people I have directing my life and praying for me. I've learned to not listen to every voice that directs me. Setting up shop at a new church hasn't been easy but this is something I did for my relationship with Him. Those that are still around and have supported me get it and they continue to spur me towards Him. The rest have lost their influence with me but yet they're nowhere to be found today. I didn't find a new home for my influencers or for their approval. This was me just stepping out and doing what I had to do and it has been a turning point for me.

3) Close call. It's been a blessing having Dad back in Calgary. I know we have a very estranged relationship but God has allowed all the hardships he experienced last year with his health to happen to bring my family closer together. I hate the hurt he experienced physically; it killed me to see him that way. Praise Jesus for healing my father. I think I feel like our relationship is how it was back when I was a kid. It's not perfect but it's probably the most he's trusted me in a long time and that's only something a trial can create --it can't be forced or fabricated.

4) Health. The above situation has helped me focus a little more on making better choices in my life. Although I do have my bad seasons, I've been more health focused in trying to get exercise in and taking days of rest to allow me to recharge. I don't have the zeal I used to and I try to get sleep when I can. I think I can focus a bit more on eating better but it's hard when you're being social, connecting with people and also when you're dating LOL.

5) Walk. Do I trust Him. Do I really trust with my whole heart? In some areas, I have slowly allowed me to take more and more control of my life these last few years. I don't know why it's so hard to let go and fall back in His arms with some things....

So does being older mean I'm wiser? I don't think so. Some things are healthier in me. Other areas have different types of battles. Some old insecurities are still there and some have been conquered. I do need to focus on giving God more though. I don't mean work harder for Him or do a certain amount of spiritual rituals more. I need to depend on Him and let Him pour into me; I need to allow myself to be loved by Him ...

If Only We Knew What To Do In Any Situation....

The sermon today challenged us on how we shouldn't be making resolutions for the new year. Most people resolve to do 1 of 3 things: 1) Eat Healthy 2) Exercise more 3) Save more money. These promises of change last for a month or two and all of a sudden, most find themselves trickling back into their old routines.

Instead of a new year's resolution, we were encouraged rather to seek a "Self Revolution" instead by seeking out wisdom. Wisdom is powerful because it can lead us in the right direction--we have Godly pre-knowledge of what direction to head in any given situation. We can have deep understanding of people, events and difficult problems. And this is powerful. If we could really have such knowledge on how to act and how to understand each given situation, imagine how much the direction of our very lives would alter!

Back in biblical times, Solomon was a 14 year old king and God said to this boy, "Ask for whatever you want me to give you". Wow! I have always pictured a scenario where God would just ask me what I want and grant me a wish like any magic genie would and Solomon actually gets this opportunity! He could have asked for riches, long life, the death of his enemies, etc. This makes sense. Some of these things anybody would want and a leader of a nation would definitely want to be safe from his surrounding threats. Solomon doesn't make such requests but instead asks for wisdom. What 14 year old would ask for wisdom?? None that I know!! The Bible says that God was pleased with Solomon at this request. I should be seeking wisdom to the same extent; I should be putting a smile on God's face in the same way. I can't afford to ignore this need. To walk without wisdom is to walk in absurdity, error, fatuity, folly, foolishness, idiocy, imbecility, imprudence, indiscretion, miscalculation, misjudgment, nonsense, senselessness, silliness, and stupidity.

With 2012 rolling out the door and 2013 upon us, I'm ready LORD for a new beginning. I am looking for a season of refreshing and of change. I'm reading for a self revolution. I am not seeking to make any empty promises of how I'll change by my own strength and resolve but am asking You to change me from the inside out. Renew my mind with wisdom that is not my own but from You. Make an everlasting change and may I seek and pursue wisdom so that my steps can fall in line with Your perfect will. I can't afford to be without it. May my pursuit of this put a smile on Your face as it did with Solomon. May this wisdom pour into all areas of my life and may You be glorified in all that I do. In Jesus' name only...Amen.

Review: Summer Movies of 2011

Okay, so I just finished watching Captain America today and this pretty much signifies the end of of a great summer of blockbusters. There isn't really anything left that I am DYING TO SEE...but there were a few that I have missed that I'm sure are worthy of watching on TV...such as Kung Fu Panda 2, Bridesmaids, Horrible Bosses and Fast Five. No, I don't know if I'm going to see Cowboys vs. Aliens or Cars 2 (didn't even see the first one)--man, they look lame. Here's a list of the movies from best to worst of the year:


1) Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 2

2) X-Men: First Class

3) Transformers 3

4) Thor

5) Super 8

6) Captain America

7) Green Lantern

8) Hangover 2


Yeah...that looks about right :D

TRUTH

Truth is true at all times and it is true despite circumstances. This whole "relative truth" thing is something sooo lame. If something considered "truth" is only relative and only true in some instances and not in others, how can we put faith into something that isn't always true? How do we believe in something so strong in one moment only to find that what we believed was a fallacy the next? I've been sorting it all out lately. What a battle the mind is. It sometimes can be instantaneous; it can sometimes take a lot of thought and dedication--but breaking through and exposing lies can be done! This is not only true for me but it rings true in others' lives too. We can live our lives and eventually, the truth exposes itself to us and smacks us in the face--it really does hurt like a biznatch doesn't it??? :) And through time--lots of time--we eventually realize we are better off exposing the lie. But what if you or other people around you never come to that realization? What if they can't break off the false illusions? I am hard on myself and my friends for the time required--sometimes year--before they realize something, but what if people realize their false thinkings but can't break free? After exposing reality, they realize they can't break their thinking cycle and they just go back and live and hold onto their lies? They justify it and live miserably holding onto their mirages. Oh what a miserable way to live! Take charge of your mind and seek truth...just like Kirk Franklin below... ;)

Your Love Never Fails

So much in life is fluid; things are constantly changing. The things I want to do, the music I listen to, what I'm passionate about, what has my attention, and friendships too. I always ask myself if I can control what I give my heart too and who I give my focus to but as I get older and busier, I am starting to see how little control I really do have of everything. There seems to be seasons where I walk through in life and I'm not sure how I will make it or who's going to walk beside me. At times, I'm in a desert or in a valley and then I see someone who I didn't expect who helps me carry the burdens and sees me through the end. I know I shouldn't rely on ppl, but some ppl are a God-send for sure. As situations and challenges arise unexpectantly, it's nice to know God has my back one way or another. And that's how it is with this coming year as I serve God in new ways. I have no idea how it's going to work. I can't rely on my experiences alone or the past successes because this is all new to me. I am forced to step out in faith and walk in obedience--I have to depend on God constantly to get me through it all. And truly God's love sees us through. I've bought a handful of new CDs but one CD I CAN'T stop listening to has this song on it that constantly reminds me of God's goodness:




Verse 1:
Nothing can separate
Even if I ran away
Your love never fails

I know I still make mistakes, but
You have new mercy for me everyday
Your love never fails

Chorus:
You stay the same through the ages
Your love never changes
There may be pain in the night
But joy comes in the morning
And when the oceans rage
I don’t have to be afraid
Because I know that you love me
And your love never fails

Verse 2:
The wind is strong and the water’s deep, but
I’m not alone here in these open seas
Cause your love never fails

The chasm was far too wide
I never thought I’d reach the other side
But your love never fails

Bridge: You make all things, work together for my good

In Brightest Day...

Last weekend, I realized my collection of monthly titles for comics has grown out of control! And yet, making budget cuts, has been difficult. Wrestled with giving up Green Lantern but obviously--with the movie coming out--that ain't gonna happen!!!! So I'll stick with the 3 monthly GL titles and am eagerly awaiting the crossover "War of Green Lanterns" series due out next spring/summer...and of course, can't wait for the flick with Ryan Reynolds. Here's the trailer:

To hell and back again

New Jars of Clay CD: "The Shelter!!!" Favorite track so far: written by Sara Groves: "Lay it Down" featuring David Crowder and Dawn Richardson of Fireflight.




Oh, we'll never be short on people
And we'll never be short on trouble
It's a well worn path so how on Earth
Can ye feel alone?

Why carry on our own
What's coming to all men?
Why drag your bag of bones
To hell and back again?
Why carry on our own
What's coming to all men?
Look around
Lay it down

Oh, we'll never be short on Good News
And somebody to tell our story to
And we'll never be short on redemption
The light for the dark

Why carry on our own
What's coming to all men?
Why drag your bag of bones
To hell and back again?
Why carry on our own
What's coming to all men?
Look around
Lay it down

Why carry on our own
What's coming to all men?
Look around

Why carry on our own
What's coming to all men?
Why drag your bag of bones
To hell and back again?
Why carry on our own
What's coming to all men?
Look around
Lay it down
Look around
Lay it down

Deuteronomy 6: 4-5

God our God!
God, the one and only!
Love God, your God, with your whole heart: love him with all that's in you, love him with all you've got!

Slow Your Breath and Take it Slow

This chest is full of memories
Of gold and silver tears
I’ll give you more to own than
All of this
And I’ll give you more than years
For you were once a child of innocence
And I see you just the same
Your burdens couldn’t win or
Lose a thing
Oh, I’d tell you once again
But you’re always on the run

Slow your breath down
Just take it slow
Find your heart now, oh
You can trust and love again
Slow your breath down, just take it slow
Find your smile now, oh
You can trust and love again

If you leave I’ll still be close to you
When all your fears rain down
I’ll take you back a thousand times again
I’ll take you as my own
I would sing you songs of innocence
‘Til the light of morning comes
‘Til the rays of gold and honey cover you
In the sweetness of the dawn
But you’re always on the run

You’re not alone
You’re now a part of me
You feel the cure
I’ll feel the toil it brought you

Changes

Funny how I've planned so many things in my life and yet a lot of the stuff that I've tried to control and "make happen," hasn't happened that way at all. The only thing that I've gotten that I've wanted is becoming a teacher (and even with that, it was ALL BY THE GRACE OF GOD). The rest, God has showed me time and time again that it's really in His Hands and I just need to enjoy the moments of the ride He's placed me on. I'm not the driver, but the passenger. Is this a bad thing? No...but it used to drive me crazy. I'm calmer these days and things are good. :) Rest easy; sleep peacefully....

@ Sam's

"Worst party ever!!!" --anonymous

It Begins

 

New Avengers teams!! Oh yeah, here we go again!! Can I really afford to pick up 5 titles with the name "Avengers" on it though? Marvel what are you doing to me??? My wallet is taking a beating!!! :P






***Update**** oh thank goodness: one title is bimonthly :P less $$$ damage to my savings

No one said it was easy....

I've been listening to this song regularly again. It's old, but one of Coldplay's best songs. :)

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you
Tell you I need you
Tell you I've set you apart

Tell me your secrets
And ask me your questions
Oh, let's go back to the start
Running in circles
Coming up tails
Heads on the science apart

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start

I was just guessing
At numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart
Questions of science
Science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart

Oh tell me you love me
Come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles
Chasing our tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
Oh, it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard

I’m going back to the start

Oh ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ah ooh ooh ooh ooh
Oh ooh ooh ooh ooh
Oh ooh ooh ooh ooh

You've gotten me this far God...you're going to help me reach the end.....

Thanks for my life, the people in my life and the pleasures of everyday things that remind me of your goodness. You give inspiration to not just live, but to to live it to its fullest. Thank you Jesus.

I pray for those who in my life who know someone who's ill with something that can only be healed by You. We look to You as our source of life and strength. May you give each of these people more days to enjoy the family and friends that surround. May you be the Restorer and bring of life to broken bodies.

For those who are being attacked spiritually and who are not living victoriously as you intended: I pray that they would walk in Your grace. Father, clothe them with your armour and may they have the necessary defenses to stand again the enemy's attacks. May they be filled with Your Spirit and Your truth. May they advance onward as You call them into the battlefield. I pray for small victories to reach the big ones.

And may You lead and guide your people. Inspire us. Grow us. Help us to have impact--to be in this world but not of it. Salt. And. Light.

In Jesus' name only, amen.









And on a lighter note, really digging this song right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Give this tune a whirl! :D

Keep it in check

You know, some things make so much sense when you say it over and over to yourself in your head. It's only when you're talking to a friend and when the words finally come out of your mouth do you realize how crazy you sound for even thinking such things.

AHHHHHH

Wow, my stomach hurts...what did I eat?!?!?!?!?

It's Our Choice

My Friend Josh Shipp is one of the greatest communicators I've heard. He's only in his twenties but speaks around the country at high schools and is often a guest on MTV. Kids love him because he is funny and direct. Josh grew up in more than twenty foster homes, never knowing his real parents. And yet he is incredibly successful. I asked Josh why he's so healthy, so emotionally stable considering his childhood.

"Don, when something hard happens to you, you have two choices in how to deal with it. You can either get bitter, or better. I chose to get better. It's made all the difference."

--excerpt from "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" by Donald Miller

If I could write my facebook status or tweet here on my blog, I'd simply say, "I'm DIGGIN' this book!!" :D Wow, and I thought I forgot how to read! :D

Leave a message at the beep..

Two weeks off for Christmas break in effect. Brain, prepare for shut down!! :D

Then and Now

I've battled for my own heart and happiness and God has been good in letting me be victorious for the last few months.

Was talking to a buddy about how being a worship leader, you feel attacked on so many levels. Inadequate in so many ways and struggles with confidence are magnified. You're on the frontline and Satan wants to take you out quickly and painfully.

I feel like these last few months has been so fast-paced and yet I've crawled most of the way. Been on my knees more and not in terms of how much more I pray (but I do need to do more of that), but I feel the desperation is growing. Please God don't let me lose that...I'm prideful and definitely always think I can do it my own way. So easy to fall for that trap--I'm good at it. Keep me at your feet.

Liking this song right now. From the latest Flyleaf CD Memento Mori is their first single "Again:"