Differences

You ever get that feeling where you are so tired you seem to become a bit dillusional? :P You can't think straight and when you try to focus your eyes, they hurt? Yeah, I have that right now. :P Rubbing doesn't help.....:P

I saw it again today. You know, female friends saying things behind each other's backs. It was driving me nuts last week but today, I just kind of laughed and told my coworkers, "oh girls....why'd you gotta be like that?" And you meet some girls who will admit to being catty, but they can't stop and don't know why. Yet you meet other girls who totally deny it and you have to wonder, which is worse: the girl who admits she's got cattiness in her but can't stop or the one who can't even own up to it? :P

I think it's funny because there's a teacher whom my students see me with at times because she's in the class next door. My students want us to hook up and they tease me all the time. I think the teacher actually does have the hots for me and we're team teaching L.A. together for our two grade 6 classes lol. It kind of seems weird though because she's giving me lots of attention. During a Teacher's social gathering, she got me to polka dance with her and was so casual about asking me to dance with her. She also told me that when Fridays come along, she's a lot more lonely becuase us student teachers aren't around but really, I'm the only one she talks to of us 7 lol. Am I just imagining it or what? :P

I think she doesn't have a clue as to who I really am though. You know, she sees half of me. She sees the teacher; she sees the guy who likes to laugh. Yet she doesn't know the other side. The side of me that is in love with Christ. The side of me that can't stand being apart from Him. And yet that just shows me that Christ is the half that makes the other half work. I can't be anything without Him.

So even though a part of me feels empty without "a someone" in my life, the beauty of it all is He completes me in my emptiness. It hurts, but God is meeting me in it all...how ironic. I've found from the past that when you're in a relationship, the companionship of a woman is a great compliment with the relationship with God but it can often take away from the intense feelings for God. It's been a long time since I've let God be THE ONLY ONE to fill me up completely. When things were over and I had to let go of my previous relationship, I told myself I didn't want Him to be the only one to fill me up anymore and that I wanted someone else to be there to be a part of the equation. Fate would have it that for whatever reason, I'm still not in a relationship right now but for once in a long time, I'm becoming okay with that again. Hopefully it'll be healthy for me though. I don't want to grow tired of waiting and build walls so high that I'm too far from letting anyone into my life (because I know how hard those walls were to break the first time). I'll try hard not to let insecurities get the better of me. I'll try hard to be still and know God and fall more in love with Him again. God, I think I'm falling in love with You again.....I know, it's about time and I've had a lot to learn over these past few months. Thanks for bringing me back.....