Every Great Story Has a Beginning

I’m not going through the motions
Waiting and hoping you call me
I’m not missing you
You might have had me open
But I must be going because
I got life to do
I know I’m usually hanging on
I used to hate to see you gone
But this time it’s different
I don’t even feel the distance
I’m not missing
I’m not missing you

I'm looking forward to picking up the above song from Stacie Orrico's new CD hitting stores in January. Yeah I know, I'm a pop music junkie but I can't help it. :)

And yet the above lyrics are finally ringing true in my life. It's been about half a year and you'd think that it'd be about time for a shift in mind-set for me eh? :) I think the toughest part of this transition was feeling so miserable but yet not being able to express that to the people who care the most about me. I don't know...maybe I kept it all in because I didn't think anyone could understand. Yet others knew how I was doing but didn't think it was that bad. Or maybe I know certain people would try to minimalize what I was feeling. Don't you hate that? People try to reason with you when you're feeling emotionally confused and you think logic matters when someone is hurting? You just think, "don't tell me my pain isn't real becuase if it didn't, why would I feel like I lost a part of my soul?"

And yet now here I stand.....God has not left me through it all. I've had some down time to relax and reflect upon everything and it's been good. This past half year has been the most trying time for me in a long time as it's been awhile since I've been truly tested to this magnititude. And yet, it's through this storm that God has really shown himself so real in my life...more real and more practical than ever. Becuase He picked up the pieces of my life over the course of this time, I can now remember that long time ago, he did the same for me when I was just 15 years old and had realized his heart was in need of mending.

During the weekend, I talked to a few people about how funny it is because it was weird these last few months between God and I. I think Him and I are in a different relationship now. It's evoloved; it's more mature. Through the tough times, I never really felt God left me like how we can imagine Job not feeling God was anywhere near Him in the bible. However, despite my stubborn ways, God kept me close. He answered prayers still and answered me through speaking to me in many situations in my life. I began to hear God's voice in different ways than in the past. I started seeing how He was shaping my world and how He opened doors and closed certain ones in my life for practical reasons. It's been really different for me...but it's not a bad thing...it's just.....different.....

And so learning how to be in existence now with these sudden changes will be a challenge for me. I am praying so hard that God would put the pieces of my life back together and make sense of it all. I have so many questions in my mind. Some are answered but so many still remain unanswered. And yet these are questions I feel I need to pursue the answers for. It's slowly coming together and so my prayer for the new year is that God would shine His truth and His light upon my life stronger than He ever has before. Maybe this is all just a glorious beginning for my life again....maybe he's just setting the stage for newer and greater things. Speak Lord for your servant is listening.....